Matters of the Heart: Is Age an Important Factor in Relationships?

22-7Love has no age as it is always renewing itself. ~ John Galsworthy
Love is full of contradictions and confusions. We say opposites attract, and yet we measure compatibility by the number of things a couple has in common. We walk into relationships with notions fueled by best-selling love stories, and epic celluloid romantic dramas. But for some of us, love happens a little differently. It isn’t a regular story of falling in love with a classmate or tying the knot with your band’s bassist. It differs, because, it begins with what is normally perceived as a taboo. For instance, it could be falling in love with your professor, or you next door divorced neighbor.

With huge age gaps in question, many wonder whether these equations will get past the initial phase of extreme infatuation. These unions are questioned on their morality, and the older person usually gets compared to the younger one’s parents, further complicating the flak it anyway draws. However, when two people with a huge age difference come together to celebrate their love, there are certain points they effortlessly accept to making the age gap disappear.
Love Happens
All our lives we try to plan every minutest detail of our life, down to our day-to-day schedule. Some fanatics also plan when and how to get married. Thankfully, we leave falling in love to chance. We let our emotions take over and flow along with them to wherever they might take us. So, when two people sharing a huge a age gap fall in love, they flow to common ground. How they meet largely states whether they will stop at just a meeting or will keep meeting. If they are able to find a connection through hobbies, interests, and other activities that they collectively like, it will essentially define how their relationship will progress. The ability to share a common love with someone, and the attempt at understanding a fresh perspective on the same subject, connects them. And this counts for more than the arithmetic of their age difference.
Emotional Connect
Sadly, apparent beauty is very fragile, and those with an age gap recognize this truth quite quickly. This is the reason why they seek a bond that transcends physical attraction. Most young couples find the need to explain to each other their gamut of emotions, sometimes seek attention, other times scheme to make a point, or maybe resort to lying to prevent a confrontation. They go through this phase, despite spending a lot of time courting, and that is because they are yet to make an emotional bond. Young lovers take a while to move on from the physical aspects of a relationship and create a meeting point for themselves. However, those with an age gap work on the emotional and physical aspects of their relationship simultaneously. Making an emotional connect early on, thus becomes very important for the partners, bringing them on the same page, before they move on to the next chapter of their relationship. It is important for them to know that their partner, no matter how old or young, is going to stand by them in times of happiness, and in times of crisis too.
Emotional Connect Couple
Finding Common Goals
A difference in thought for a couple with a considerable age difference could be about life goals. For instance, the younger one might not want to give in to a commitment or have children, while the older one might want to settle down sooner. Another difference could be about shifting importance towards individual careers. However, when they realize these differences, it becomes easier for them to deal with it, and tread the same path. As they begin to deal with the reality of their relationship, the age gap slowly diminishes, making the two equal contributors in the equation. At this juncture, the two do not see themselves with any age difference. They view themselves as responsible individuals, living their dreams together.
Maintaining Maturity Bar
Every relationship that wants to experience forever, has to maintain a certain level of maturity. What this means is that, both the people have to accept certain drawbacks of age difference, and learn to work their way around it. Also, while it is common knowledge that women mature faster than men, when a mid-20s woman meets a late 30s man, she know he is who she wanted, and vice-versa. Thus, a maturity level is also found, established, and worked upon, as closeness increases with time. Age solely remains a number and nothing more than that. It no longer receives the importance others believe it should.

Is Arguing Healthy for Relationships? Yes It Is! We Tell You Why

22-6The initial days of any relationship are drenched with love and cozy, but with time, the ‘at-my-best-behavior’ slowly vanishes and there you have, the real you and your partner. Accepting the flaws and differences of your partner is a slow process. During this acceptance, there are disagreements in views that we more commonly known as arguments. This word by itself has a very negative image. It is often looked upon as a threat to the stability of a relationship. If a couple argues, something is definitely wrong. Is it so, really? Well, NOT really. It is speculated that, arguing is actually healthy for relationships. While some of you are amazed or are rubbishing this fact, allow us to tell you why arguing is healthy for couples.
Relationship and Arguments – A Healthy Match?
It may be known to all that affection comes at a cost, which is adjusting with your partner. People often mistake arguments to be the negative part of their relationship. They fail to realize the main reason of conflict. Every individual has a different upbringing and mindset. So no two people can have the same thinking, likes, and interests. The difference in thinking, and not the topic or reason, causes arguments. So, arguments are a part of any relationship and it is perfectly normal to disagree at some point in time. No matter how madly in love you are, no two people can agree or have similar view about all things at all times.

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Let Bygones Be Bygones: How to Say Sorry Gracefully

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
~ Paul Boese
___________________________
Life is never a bed of roses and one has to face hard times in life. There are times when you argue with your partner and end up in a quarrel; or you disagree with a friend or have a dispute. In either cases, you end up feeling low and wish to make up as soon as possible. The only way is to say the golden word, Sorry! Owning up to your mistake is very important, and it takes real courage to admit your mistake and apologize for your behavior.

Tips to Say Sorry Gracefully
▣ The first thing you should remember is not to fake your feelings or apologize for the sake of it.
▣ You should apologize to the person only if you genuinely feel sorry. Secondly, you should not lie or give false excuses; keep your apology brief and direct.
▣ When saying sorry, just say it and end the topic, then and there. Do not start the blame game as to who was the cause of the fight as it will lead to further arguments.
▣ When expressing your apology to someone, always look at the person in the eyes, stay calm and say it. Even if the person takes a longer time to respond, do not let your temper rise as you cannot expect a person to accept your apology immediately. Same is to be followed if the person pretends to ignore you.
▣ Now, how will you say sorry to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Once you have accepted your fault, remember never say sorry to your guy / girl over the phone or by texting. It is better if you meet him her in person and express your apology.
▣ There are different ways to apologize. You can say sorry with flowers, or a card with suitable apology quotes. On the other hand giving a small gift is also a sweet gesture and will really be appreciated. You can even take your partner for a lunch or so.
▣ Another tip, if you wish to apologize after a fight, the first thing you need to do is to bury your pride. Once you realize your mistake, give some time to your partner to cool off a bit and then apologize (do not expect the person to accept it soon). However, remember that saying sorry melts the anger of the person and hence, it will be easier for you to mend things.
▣ It is famously said that couples should not go to bed sulking. It is always better to sort out things quickly and bury the issue. Remember, it does no good to answer back or argue when tempers are flying.
▣ Lastly, if the person is ignoring you, you should try to figure out the reason for the same and apologize for it. If the person continues to ignore you, then the reason may be something else which cannot be solved by your apology. So, in that case, it is wise to let go and move on.

Apology Phrases
Here are some common phrases that you can use when you want to say sorry to someone.
▣ I am Sorry
▣ I apologize for_______
▣ Please forgive me for______
▣ I owe you an apology
▣ Pardon me for_____
▣ Please excuse me for_______

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Attention Men! You Simply Can’t Miss This Relationship Advice

Women often complain that men change completely after a few years in a relationship, while men often wonder how the beautiful and intelligent girl they met a few years ago has turned into this whining, forever-complaining woman. Maybe neither of the partners is to be blamed, and it is just that after a few years in a relationship, the novelty begins to wear off, and partners develop a hostility that Republicans and Democrats reserve for each other. Every relationship goes through certain stages, and it is the responsibility of both the partners to ensure that they take concrete steps to mend their relationship before it reaches a stage of no return.

To ensure that your relationship is rock solid, there are a few investments and sacrifices that both the partners need to make, but as this article focuses itself on men, we will spare women from the sermon. Mentioned below are a few tips which may be of some help to men who are in a relationship, or aspire to be in one. Those who have come out of a nasty one to start all over again, can also take a look.
Transparency International
The importance of transparency in a relationship can’t be undermined. There are times when you can be going through a tough time in your professional life which can make you feel low and sad, but if you don’t communicate it to your partner, she can assume that you are not interested in spending time with her.

Sharing what you are going through can go a long way in ensuring that you and your partner are on the same page. Many men put off the idea of sharing their difficulties with their partner because they think that she can’t really help them much in dealing with the situation. We advise you to never underestimate women as they can provide you with unconditional love and support. They can prepare you mentally to deal with the situation. Transparency also means talking to your partner about misunderstandings that usually happen in a relationship. Talking about these problems helps both of you to deal with the situation in a prudent way.
Anger Management
What course of action do you take when you are stuck in an argument which has completely deviated from its origin? Do you retaliate, or choose to become the bigger person by following the policy of non-retaliation. An argument usually spirals out of control when there are a few suppressed feelings that are looking for a way out.
As we mentioned previously, if you don’t talk consistently to your partner about the things, or habits you feel she can do without, you create a reservoir of anger that is ready to explode. And, when it comes to something which starts as a squabble, these pent-up emotions act as the catalyst for a full-blown war. The point we are trying to drive here is that you should shed away the emotional baggage that all of us tend to carry when we are not able to communicate effectively with our partner, or for that matter, someone who are close to. Another exercise at damage-control is to give the other person a free run by choosing not to retaliate. We understand that it is difficult to achieve as backing off may signify that you didn’t have an explanation for the accusation, but you also got to remember that you can talk about all of this with a sober mind when the heat has cooled down. To cut the long story short, one of the best things that can work for you is to take a timeout and give each other some breathing space. By timeout, we don’t advise you to have a drink and arrive five minutes later to fight with an increased vigor! Ideally, a couple of hours or more will be good enough for some good sense to prevail on both of you. And trust us, when you sit down to talk about what went wrong and how to amend it, the realization will dawn upon both of you that the issue at hand is minuscule and can be sorted out way too easily.
Do the New
To maintain the freshness in a relationship, it is vital that you do new things frequently. If we continue to do the same thing over and over again, monotony creeps in, making our relationship dull and boring. The way out of this situation is to create something new, something unique so that it surprises your partner and brings a smile on her face. Talk to her about the days when you tried so hard to impress her.
Remember what you were wearing on your first date and try to recreate the moment by wearing something similar. Take a day off (if you can afford one!) and take her on a drive to the countryside. Come home early and cook something that she likes immensely. The options can be myriad, and you are the best man to judge what she will like the most. These little gestures go a long way in cementing the bond of love between you both, keeping that dreaded monotony away from the relationship.
Priority Level: 1
One of the most important challenges men face is how to prioritize relationships. There are times when you are not able to deliver on your promises because of professional reasons. Also, it can also be the case that you headed to the bar with your ‘pals’, forgetting that you had planned to buy groceries with your wife.
While it is important that you give importance to your office as well as your friends, the pertinent thing to remember here is that the commitments you make to your better half that should be on top of your priorities. You need to remember that your partner is someone who is going to stay with you for the rest of your life. If you like to meet your friends once in a while, ensure that you are not doing it at the cost of the quality time you could have spent with her. One way of doing this could be to plan in such a way that you go for that ‘boys night out’ at the same time when she goes for a trip with her girlfriends. If your work is stopping you from going home on time, make it a point to speak to your manager about it. Prioritize your relationship in such a way that your partner feels that you really value her more than anything else.
Respectfully Yours
Respect your woman and appreciate her for all that she is, rather than harping endlessly on all that she is not. Open your mind and see her in a different way. Most of all, let her know that you really value her a lot. It goes a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship. Once again, communication plays an important role here. There is no point in having feelings and not expressing them.
All Those Crushes
There will always be someone who will be the subject of your infatuation despite that fact that you are committed, or married. We guess it is natural that your eyes sometimes brighten up when there are good-looking women around you. The important thing to remember here is that it is not the feeling of infatuation that ruins a relationship, it is what a man does with this feeling that creates issues.
Let the crush remain a crush. Don’t try to be friends with her when you know your feelings for her, if nurtured, can be detrimental for your relationship. All you need to do is resist the temptation of taking it to the next level. Whenever you feel vulnerable, remember that there is a special someone who trusts you a lot and believes that you will never do any wrong. When you respect the love and feelings your partner has for you, you become self-assured and are unlikely to engage in infidelity.

Confusing Territory Alert: Infatuation Vs. Love

“Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.”
~ Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975
So a lot of places are going to tell you that infatuation is in fact triggered by the brain due to the release of several chemicals, etc. etc. And that love is just a deep emotion, of which every individual has a different opinion and meaning. Obviously we have to take for granted that people know what they’re talking about, because we’re confused about the difference between the two. Is it love or infatuation? Well, let’s first begin with a clear understanding that love and infatuation are not opposites of each other. There’s just a very, very, painfully thin line between the two that in the end makes all the difference.

● First Signs…
You meet someone, and you are instantly attracted to them. You find it difficult to think clearly because your thoughts are plagued by their presence. They have obviously captivated you with their charm, wit, elegance, intelligence, etc. You can’t help thinking about that person whether you’re with him/her or not.
All these are characteristic to a person infatuated with another. Isn’t love supposed to be pretty much the same thing? Aren’t we conditioned to believe that the exact fluttering feeling, the lack of logical thought and sometimes silly actions are what love is all about? True, but somewhere in the midst of all this, you begin to get a nagging thought in your head which tells that this is more than just an infatuation.

● What it IS…
Infatuation begins with a physical attraction. There are a select few who go beyond outward physical appearance, and give the actual human being in that body a chance. This is not to say that you are being unfair when you get attracted to someone’s physical appearance. For some it matters, for some it doesn’t. It is completely your choice. But yes, since physical attraction plays a major role in it, how do you know if it’s love or lust? Think about it and you’ll be able to answer the question.
While many may argue that physical beauty is what attracts a person to another and that is the basis on which ‘love’ can be born, it is also true that sometimes, you really do find that you’re attracted to the person as a person and not as an object of desire. Sometimes, you really do love the person for his or her personality and when the sparks of attraction eventually begin to fly, it’s simply magical! Being attracted to someone for their person before their body is something that (while most may deny) everyone wants.

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